A Letter To a Fellow Student

Dear Sir,
I was walking behind you today as I was going to class and couldn't help but noticed that your pants were riding right below your bottom. I've seen such things before I usually don't comment because the pants usually cover at least half of the person rear end.
Granted, you were wearing "basketball shorts" underneath which does do you some credit for had it been boxers I was observing, I might have voiced this letter to you personally. This put aside, the fact remains that everything about your attire forced all eyes to the region not covered by your pant.
I am writing this to you because obviously you don't have a belt and thus I am offering you one if you will simply stop by. These so called belts are good for many things namely, holding up the pants, not looking like a moron, and modesty. Not only this but it will keep your bottom very warm in the blizzard like temperatures we face in Kansas. It will also stop accusation thrown your way about being homely or a thug. All this you can have by taking this belt, not mention it is a fashion plus.
No, I'm not old fashion. I'm twenty years old and haven't had the time to be old fashion yet but if it is old fashion to pull up ones pants then I suppose I have been old fashion since the day I dressed myself. Perhaps you were never taught how and I am sure I can find one of my gentlemen friends to teach you.
I hope this helps and no need to thank me, not seeing your rear end will be enough.
Signed,
Emma